Penny For Your Thoughts

Well I have been thinking alot lately and Ive realized that life sucks. inevitably. I mean Im fourteen, almost done my first year of high school and Im broke. My moms an alcoholic and my dads a drug addict. I just found out that Im bipolar and now Im on medication that makes me feel tired and gives me major headaches oh and 1 out of 100 people can get a fatal rash. GREAT. My lifes just great. *sarcasm* To be honest I feel lost and momentarily depressed and utterly alone. I always feel like Im unsafe and that nothing and no one around me is there for me. I need stability and I need to be able to trust someone. Anyone. But what I want most is a safe haven. Someplace that I know will always be there and will be forever mine. A place where I can settle down and make my own. A place where Im free and able to just be me. Where I am in control of my life because right now I feel anything but control. I currently live in between my grandparents houses. I mean I used to live in a townhouse with my parents but we were broke, my parents fought all the time and we were forced to sell it and then my parents both moved into the basements of their parents houses. I trust my grandparents but at the same time I cant see myself every staying with them full time anytime soon. Someone onced asked me what my dreams are. I dream of having a place that I can call home- a place where me and my friends spent the weekend painting my walls neon colors, where I went to IKEA & bought furniture online, where I bought cool knicknacks, posters, quotes and paintings. I dream of having a furry companion or two to keep me company. I dream of one day having a few kids of my own. I dream of jumping from one fun job to the next; a job that I actually like doing. I dream of supporting and staying close with my family. I dream of finding true love and getting a happily ever after (if there is such a thing.) I dream of traveling from one place to the next and living my life to the fullest. Is it really such a crime to dream?