Penny For Your Thoughts

Well I have been thinking alot lately and Ive realized that life sucks. inevitably. I mean Im fourteen, almost done my first year of high school and Im broke. My moms an alcoholic and my dads a drug addict. I just found out that Im bipolar and now Im on medication that makes me feel tired and gives me major headaches oh and 1 out of 100 people can get a fatal rash. GREAT. My lifes just great. *sarcasm* To be honest I feel lost and momentarily depressed and utterly alone. I always feel like Im unsafe and that nothing and no one around me is there for me. I need stability and I need to be able to trust someone. Anyone. But what I want most is a safe haven. Someplace that I know will always be there and will be forever mine. A place where I can settle down and make my own. A place where Im free and able to just be me. Where I am in control of my life because right now I feel anything but control. I currently live in between my grandparents houses. I mean I used to live in a townhouse with my parents but we were broke, my parents fought all the time and we were forced to sell it and then my parents both moved into the basements of their parents houses. I trust my grandparents but at the same time I cant see myself every staying with them full time anytime soon. Someone onced asked me what my dreams are. I dream of having a place that I can call home- a place where me and my friends spent the weekend painting my walls neon colors, where I went to IKEA & bought furniture online, where I bought cool knicknacks, posters, quotes and paintings. I dream of having a furry companion or two to keep me company. I dream of one day having a few kids of my own. I dream of jumping from one fun job to the next; a job that I actually like doing. I dream of supporting and staying close with my family. I dream of finding true love and getting a happily ever after (if there is such a thing.) I dream of traveling from one place to the next and living my life to the fullest. Is it really such a crime to dream?

Life

Why is life so complicated? I mean one second everything is okay and the next your whole world can fall apart in just seconds. Thats at least how I feel. I hate how my own family looks at me disappointingly because Im not perfect. Im flawed and broken, but they dont understand that, even though I can tell they are too. Perfect is impossible and I accept that, I just wish the people around me did too.

"Just give me a reason, just a little bits enough Just a second, were not broken just bent and we can learn to love again its in the stars, its been written in the scars of our hearts were not broken just bent and we can learn to love again"

My moms an alcoholic. My dads a drug addict. and Im broken...

Travel

I have always wanted to travel. Not just one place but around the world. I want to learn about everything not just through words and text. But I want to see and experience the world that I live in. I have always wanted to learn new languages. My goals are to learn Spanish, Italian and French in the next 5 years. After Im 18 I would like to learn Mandarin (Chinese), Portuguese and Hindu (Indian). Maybe even Russian and German. My top places I would love to see are Europe and Australia.
Mom and I are thinking of going on a road trip this summer across Canada. I have just realized that Canada is just as amazing as all the other places in the world. I never thought that I would ever want to explore where I already live- that being Canada. Well Ill give more updates if I ever actually get to travel:)

Bored Out Of My Mind and Thinking to Much

I am bored out of my mind. Friday was the most boring day ever. I read, watched movies and was so bored at one point that I actually watched Tyler and my Dad play video-games. Like I said majorly bored. Anyways, I was suppossed to work today but I slept in till 11, then had a shower, ate Brunch and by the time I was finished doing my hair it was already 2 and I didnt really see a point in starting to work. Soooo my Dad said that he was bringing us to see The Woman in Black tonight even though I told him a thousand times, it isnt out yet. Of course I was right and this awesome movie with Daniel Radcliffe isnt coming out until Febuary 3rd.

Soo Tyler and my Dad are going to go see The Grey at the same time that my Mom and I are seeing One for the Money.

I don't wanna see the Gray because my favourite animals a wolf and that fact might change if I see wolfs chewing on people. LOL

Im excited to see if One for the Money is any good. Katherine Heigl is an amazing actress and is in tons of my favourite movies and I reconize the other dude from the family night TV show my grandparents make us watch.

BTW homeschooling is working out great but I just wanna be normal, I miss my friends, I dont wanna miss out on everything and I already paid for my grad trip; hopefully Ill graduate.
Miss you all and see you at school Monday.

Movie Recap

Okay it is time for a movie recap.
Breaking Dawn Part 1 was amazing! I saw it with Lynne and Melissa on opening night and with Katie the night after :)

Childish movies to watch with Kethan and Tyler :
Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Puss In Boots and Happy Feet 2 which by the way I have not seen any of them.

Suuuuppppeeeerrrr excited to see Hunger Games!!! :)

I actually cant think of anything else other than New Years Eve

There arent really any good movies out :)
xoxo Rylee Jane

I know I know

I know... I havent posted in ages! Well not ages but in a really long time. We had Terry Fox run today and I have tons of studying and work to do.
My birthday is coming up in October- to be exact the 16th. I don't know what to do yet. I mean last year I didnt celebrate because 12 really wasn't a big deal for me but 13 is a little more important. I will probably have a Halloween party just to get together and then probally go do something. Problem is I want to have a Halloween dinner but I also want to see Breaking Dawn on November 18th with all my friends. So what should I do?
Also I really want to go to Florida in November but it is unrealistic. There is this huge harry potter event.. yeah i know once again im a dork. I will not get into details but I would love to go.

:Dryleejane:D

Buy, Talk and Melissa

Okay so a little while ago I was looking in a catalogue at these really cute flats and I went on the website and found out the closest store was in Oshawa. So I printed out the directions and Patti drove me today. I went in to Globo and immediately found the flats. I didnt end up getting the black ones because I also picked out black ballerina flats. I also need sneakers and sadly still do. Which I will definetely do before school. At the back of the store when I had a quick peek around I found these really cute shoes. I dont know how to explain them so I found a picture of them. While Patti was paying I was looking at bags, backpacks and jewelry. They had a buy one get one free deal on the sale section. So I got this sparkly silvery metallic owl necklace and a purple bow headband. I saw this adorable owl necklace and knew I had to get it. I also got a new shoulder bag. Soo cute.
It was ten after one and I was ten minutes late of being at Melissa's. I quickly straightened my hair since I let it air dry and threw on my new bag and owl necklace and ran out the door. I speed walked to Melissa's and told her I was sorry I was late. We had so much fun, we sat and ate a small bag of chips on the swings at central, she told me all about Quebec, i told her all about my parents fighting, a bit about what is happening with where i am staying and we just laughed. We hung out until 5:30ish and I walked back to Bumu's.
Bumu, (Patti) Papa (Tony) and I went to East Side Marios. My idea and they were so happy since I don't like eating out anymore. I love their bread. They give you way to much food, not that we mind because it is the best. I had caesar salad, hawaiian pizza and iced tea. I was full before I even got my pizza. I said that I was never going to eat again since I was so stuffed. Afterwards we went to Superstore to pick up some Stodal and ingredients for a new smoothie recipe I found. But I also looked for a couple of comfy bras and I bought two- pink and blue. I also got a purple cardigan and a beige and blue shirt that were really cute.
About 30 minutes after I got back Melissa called and she sounded really upset. Seriously guys are such jerks. Even just the things they say. Anyways I asked her if she wanted me to come over and I went over. I gave her the silvery owl necklace to cheer her up a bit. We talked girl talk and walked down central park again. We stopped at the corner store and ran into Christine, Jordan, Brandon and Clayton. Holy Crap did Clayton ever grow. He is like 15 cm taller then Melissa or more. We said Hi and I explained to them that I am staying since my house didnt sell etc. We walked the long way back to Melissas and by then it was 8:30. Bumu called and she picked me up at 9. Before she picked me up we listened and sung along to music. Melissa also gave me a beautiful black, blue and white shell from Quebec and a couple of pieces of sea glass. It was really nice.
Now I am back and am about to tape the MMVA's. Goodnight.

:Dryleejane:D